Album Review: Robbie Williams — ‘The Heavy Entertainment Show’
“Good evening children of cultural abandon. You searched for a saviour, well here I am.”
These are the first lines you hear on Robbie Williams’s eleventh studio album. The 42-year-old Brit and father of two has certainly not lost his confidence. Three years after his last proper record Swings Both Ways, he’s back to prove that he hasn’t lost his ability to make sublime pop music either.
When the first snippets from The Heavy Entertainment Show were released, fans were quick to identify certain parallels to Williams’s acclaimed albums Escapology and Sing When You’re Winning. Let’s see whether his latest work can live up to these old masterpieces.

1. “The Heavy Entertainment Show” (8/10)
Sometimes written without the article, the title track opens the album in typical Robbie Williams style. It’s witty, it’s catchy, and — above all — it’s theatrical. From the slightly ironic celebration of popstardom (“We are so glorious. Why not leave your job and come on tour with us?”) to the not-quite-serious self-portrayal (“I’m about to strip, and you’re my pole.”) and from the slow verses to the fast-paced chorus: This, ladies and gentlemen, is how you open an album.

2. “Party Like A Russian” (7/10)
Even if this powerful popsong was a weird lead single choice, it’s by no means a bad song. The verses, in fact, are pretty amazing. The lyrics are stupilliant (stupid in a brilliant way, e.g. “There’s a doll inside a doll inside a doll inside a dolly. Hello Dolly!”). The chorus, well, that’s a bit meh, isn’t it? By the way, “Party Like A Russian” is apparently not about Vladimir Putin. What a pity.

3. “Mixed Signals” (8/10)
Does this sound a little like Brandon Flowers could sing it? That’s no surprise, given that The Killers wrote “Mixed Signals”. Consequently, it’s a midtempo poprock song with a strong chorus and plenty of single potential.

4. “Love My Life” (9/10)
No, this wasn’t co-written by Gary Barlow, even though it sounds like it was. The album’s second single is a by-the-book pop ballad with a short, inspiring chorus and a clear message. However, the musical letter to Williams’s kids is flawless precisely because it’s so pure and simple. If you want to write a 90s-inspired pop ballad, it should end up sounding like this. Had Gary sung “Love My Life”, it would have come across as cheesy. With Robbie’s vocals, it somehow doesn’t.

5. “Motherfucker” (7/10)
The second song for Robbie Williams’s children is quite different from “Love My Life”. Just look at these lines from the chorus: “Your uncle sells drugs, your cousin is a cutter […] One of the things you get from me and your mother is that we’re bad motherfuckers.” The negativity of the chorus is then put into perspective on the bridge: “We all believe that you’re gonna break the chain.” This is not exactly a brilliant track, but it offers a unique and interesting narrative.

6. “Bruce Lee” (7/10)
Starting with some kind of battle cry, “Bruce Lee” switches between disco-inspired verses and an infectious rock chorus, creating three minutes of energetic glamrock. The chorus, in particular, would not have sounded out of place on Escapology.

7. “Sensitive” (8/10)
No other track on The Heavy Entertainment Show sounds as modern as “Sensitive”. Like “Bruce Lee” it’s a complex song that sees Williams sing in different vocal styles. It’s got catchy hooks, a few naughty lines, and a radio-friendly length. Expect this one to be in contention for single number three.

8. “David’s Song” (9/10)
This is a typical Robbie Williams ballad in the vein of “Sexed Up” or “Advertising Space” — which means it’s fantastic. The song is apparently a tribute to his late manager. “Don’t want a brand new life, this one’s just right,” Williams sings, then adds, “Why would I throw it all away?” This is the kind of music he has always been excellent at (just think of “Angels”), and with “David’s Song” he manages to live up to our high expectations.

9. “Pretty Woman” (7/10)
“Pretty Woman” is a fast-paced song with retro-influences that was co-written by none other than Ed Sheeran. This fact alone may make it fight “Sensitive” and “Mixed Signals” for the honours of becoming the third single from The Heavy Entertainment Show. It wouldn’t be the worst possible choice, because it’s sure to make people dance. Lyrically, however, it doesn’t have a lot to offer.

10. “Hotel Crazy” feat. Rufus Wainwright (7/10)
Track number ten sounds like a Rufus Wainwright song that Robbie Williams simply happens to be featured on. The question is whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, “Hotel Crazy” adds another interesting layer to The Heavy Entertainment Show and works well as a midtempo album track. On the other hand, it just really doesn’t sound like a Robbie Williams song at all. It’s up to you to decide what to make of this one.

11. “Sensational” (6/10)
The standard edition of The Heavy Entertainment Show ends with “Sensational”, a musically slightly overblown track with nice verses and a mediocre chorus. Both sonically and lyrically it’s related to the title track. Indeed, the two theatrical songs frame the album rather nicely.

12. “When You Know” (7/10)
The first track on the deluxe edition of The Heavy Entertainment Show is a midtempo lovesong written for Williams’s wife. The verses are vintage Robbie, reminiscent of Sing When You’re Winning, but the chorus is not particularly impressive.

13. “Time On Earth” (7/10)
A meditation on fame and popstardom, “Time On Earth” begins with the lines “What’s behind your eyes makes you a star.” Williams goes on to sing about giving your life meaning and making history in the context of the entertainment industry. Lyrically, it’s highly interesting and reflective. However, the melodies are a little boring.

14. “I Don’t Want To Hurt You” feat. John Grant (6/10)
The John Grant collaboration “I Don’t Want To Hurt You” is another midtempo song. Both the verses and the chorus sound good on their own, but they don’t quite seem to fit together. If the transition were better, the track would be at least a seven, probably even an eight.

15. “Best Intentions” (10/10)
Here’s the late highlight of The Heavy Entertainment Show and the reason why you should buy the deluxe edition of the album. “Best Intentions” is yet another song in which Williams sings about himself, focusing on his personal struggles and inner demons in an impressive manner. Lines like “you can tell me point blank that I’m a narcissist, I’m just needing confirmation that I exist” and “please don’t read my mind, I’m so scared of what you’ll find” show both the singer’s vulnerability and his abilities as a lyricist. Together with some of the best melodies on the album, this makes “Best Intentions” the absolute standout track.

16. “Marry Me” (6/10)
The deluxe edition of the record closes with the ballad “Marry Me”, which directly describes the moment of proposing to somebody. Unsurprisingly, it’s incredibly cheesy. Indeed, it would have been a fitting addition to Take That’s Beautiful World album, which — ironically — was recorded without Robbie Williams.

Ultimately: 8/10
The Heavy Entertainment Show has been criticised for style-hopping all over the place. That’s indeed what the album does. Consequently, it sounds somewhat like a best-of record, on which Robbie Williams showcases every single facet of his music. There’s glamrock, there’s 90s ballads, and there’s straightforward pop.
All of it is good, some of it is brilliant.
The album features hardly any filler tracks, which all previous Robbie Williams albums (yes, even Escapology and Sing When You’re Winning) had quite a few of. Therefore, The Heavy Entertainment Show is certainly as good as his career-defining records. Quite possibly, it’s even better.
The children of cultural abandon have indeed found their saviour.